School Play
by Laon Kame
Summary: Kurogane and Fai in highschool, and then...a Harry Potter play? What? DH, KuroFai, crack. Rated T for language. Oneshot.


**A/N: Whoo! 10th fic! XD Not that I've finished all of them... -cough- Well. More KuroFai goodness--and it's crack. Pure, unadultered crack.**

**Disclaimer: Oh, I wonder... Would TRC be so blindingly innocent for the first, well, 110 chapters if it belonged to me? XD**

* * *

"Why the hell am I doing this again?" Kurogane growled, grabbing the robes around him and tugging in distaste. 

Fai poked him on the nose. "Because Kuro-chan loves me!" The goofy grin made him flush for a moment before grabbing the hand and shoving it away.

They were dressed up in Hogwarts uniforms backstage. Unconsciously, Kurogane rubbed at the scar drawn onto his forehead. He had been chosen for Harry Potter, some brat in a book that he had never read and probably would never read after this play was over. He _hated_ these goddamn robes and tie and vest and old clothes that itched at him. Why was he in a stupid play anyway? He never took part in highschool festivals. Ugh. These glasses were annoying, too.

And of course, that blond had to be chosen for the role of Draco Malfoy because, well, he was a blond. His hair had been slicked back, and it irritated Kurogane that the fluffy mop that he could mess with was gone, and moreso that Fai got more comfortable clothes, just because this Malfoy kid was rich.

"Stop calling me those nicknames! And I don't love you!" he hissed, turning his back onto the pouting wizard.

"Fai-san, Kurogane-san, you two are up next," that Syaoran kid said from the curtains.

He sighed. He really had no idea why he was doing this. Perhaps it was something to do with Ashura playing the role (even though he had long hair) instead if he didn't take it.. He never liked that guy.

* * *

Kurogane moved to where he was supposed to be, of course, on the opposite side of the stage from Fai, a blessed few seconds of peace before the director waved them into the lights. 

The sudden flash photography was blinding in the least. But, whatever. He wanted this as over as soon as possible. He strode quickly forward, stopping at his designated space and growled out (with no real acting skills involved), "What did you want, Malfoy?"

The name tasted weird on his tongue, but no matter. What was this scene again? Oh, yes. The one where they were supposed to have a spat or something or other and… He didn't really remember what came next. But it didn't matter. The blond was probably the lead in this scene anyway.

"Oh, nothing, Potter," Fai smirked at him, a feature so out of place that he was stumped for a moment. And then he saw the challenge in Fai's eyes.

That bastard was _not_ winning over him. "So I take it you were just being stupid when you invited me here?" The play could go shit itself. Fai was making fun of him and on _stage,_ dammit. He had his pride.

"No, Potter." The blond advanced, smirk still pasted onto his face. "Did you forget that you were the one that invited _me_?"

Yes, the play could still go and shit itself, even though Kurogane had no memory of this line happening. "Don't lie, Malfoy." The name was getting easier to say. Actually, it came out more venomous than he could actually say Fai's name. He liked that. "You invited me here."

The blond was still advancing, and he refused to step back. Instead, he shoved Fai backwards by the shoulder. He looked stricken for a split second, and then the smirk was back. "Oh? Potter wants to get physical, eh?"

Kurogane wasn't given much time to contemplate on what that question meant with all of its deviousness, because the next moment, the blond stepped forward, cupped his face in his cold hands, and pressed his lips to his.

He could vaguely hear the oppressive silence beyond the stage and in the audience, and then the director's soft whispers to tell them to get the hell out of that position and that, no, this wasn't part of the play and then a tongue exploring his open mouth.

And then, after a few moments of feeling like he had run into a brick wall, Fai pulled away from him. He dimly noticed the blond breathing slightly faster, but he snapped back to his senses in the next moment.

"What the hell was that for?" he growled, instantly recoiling and wiping his mouth. This play had gone way too far.

"You have to remember that you were the one that started it, Potter." The smirk was still in place, and he wanted to wipe it off or at least punch it. This wasn't an act anymore, and dammit, Fai was enjoying himself.

"Started it my ass," Kurogane hissed. "I only shoved you. That doesn't give you the right to do _that_." He made a wide sweeping motion with his hands, stepping back some more, trying to ensure that he wasn't kissed again--and in front of an audience, no less.

"Oh? Potter? Was that possibly your first kiss?" The blond advanced on him again, and he swore he saw a mischievous glint in those eyes, and that was what made him angrier.

Kurogane grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up a few inches off the ground. "Even if it was, I can still pound you into the ground right here and no one would know better, _Malfoy_." The name was definitely easier to spit out with contempt.

"Oh? Never knew you were that horny, Potter." The eyes that looked into his were glowing with mischievousness and mirth now, but the smirk was still in place and he blushed as soon as he got the meaning.

"I'm not," he hissed in embarrassment, vaguely growing more acute that they had an audience by the second.

He let go of Fai, turning and stomped offstage, not looking back to see if the blond had stayed upright or not. His face was blazing by now, a hot flush creeping up his neck.

Kurogane went directly to the boys' changing rooms despite the director's complaints, stripping off the robes hastily. He was leaving before that idiot got off stage and teased him. The play could go to hell. He had _some_ pride left, and he wasn't about to let Fai scrap it into the wind.

But, of course, as all things went with the blond, Murphy's Law loved him. "I took Kuro-chan's first kiss!" He could practically feel the gushy sentiment from down the hall, and he pulled on his pants a bit faster. If he just grabbed his shirt and went through the door now, he could still make it.

But no.

Just as he was closing the locker, he was attacked from behind, blond hair allowing him to immediately identify who it was, not to mention the distinct smell of Fai.

Shit, he even recognized his scent? What the hell?

"Kuro-sama," Fai breathed into his ear. Kurogane shuddered, feeling those cold hands hug him from behind.

"Get off me, idiot," he growled, but not making any move to walk. If he did, the blond would probably get an injury or something, being the klutz he was.

_Why_, exactly, did he care again?

"Kuro-chan doesn't want to kiss me again? How mean," the pouting voice in his ear said, puffing hot air down his already hot neck.

"Just get off of me," he growled warningly. He nearly sighed with relief when those cold hands detached themselves from his body, but then Fai's face appeared in front of his and kissed him again.

Fai's lips were soft.

Truthfully, that was the only thought that went through his head before he jumped back a good five feet and to the wall. "Stop doing that," he said, his voice growing a little higher in pitch due to the undoubtedly major sexual harassment he was going through.

"You never said I couldn't, Kuro-chuu," Fai said, hands behind his back and leaning forward to look into his burning face.

He nearly stumbled over his words in his own haste as he said, "Don't do that, then."

"Kuro-chan is embarrassed," Fai said in that light singsong voice of his, making him flush even more. Why was he being _hit on_ by a guy? Furthermore, why was he _reacting_?

"Just leave it," he grumbled. He didn't like being half-dressed and in the vicinity of Fai. He really didn't like it. Even so, the flush was still burning hot against his skin, and he was uncomfortable beyond imagination. The only thing that really stopped him from beating up the blond was that no, he did not want to be kicked out of school.

"Kuro-rin is so cute like that!" Fai grinned into his face, getting closer and then too close before pinning him against the wall with a set of lithe hands and then kissing him.

Stuck in that position, he grunted, trying to form words along the lines of fuck off, but unable to because of the lips clamped on his and _fuck, were those teeth?_

He kicked Fai in the groin, not feeling very sympathetic as the blond immediately stepped back and hunched over in pain. "Kuro-sama," Fai huffed between pained breaths, "is very mean."

"What did you expect me to do after coming on to me like that?" he growled, edging away, shirt in hand. He had to get out of there before the blond recovered, nevermind that the kisses had made his lips slightly swollen and the taste was still in his mouth and he was slightly aroused. He blamed it on the fact that it was the first time he had… engaged in sexual activity.

"A sexy 'oh, yes, Fai-sama' would have been nice, Kuro-virgin-pon," Fai said, inching forward as well, stumbling more than advancing.

"Don't call me those nicknames!" Kurogane was scandalized, his skin feeling so hot that he was sure that he was heating up the room. He started walking towards the door in quick, brisk steps, now that he had successfully edged out of Fai's grabbing distance.

…Or so he thought, but those hopes were burned into flames as the blond latched onto his arm. "Kuro-puu, don't be mad! I'll bottom if you really don't want to!"

Where the _hell_ was Fai getting the idea that he was going to have sex with him at all? "Leave me alone, dammit!" he growled, trying to shrug out of that surprisingly strong grip.

"Mm," Fai hummed, making a ridiculous thinking face. "How about if Kuro-tan kisses me?" The blond had the nerve to actually _wink_ at him after that.

He nearly shouted a refusal, but shouting would probably bring the whole crew inside and…oh, _fuck it._

Kurogane leaned down and kissed Fai, growling under his breath. However, when he tried to pull away, the arms actually _tightened_ and there was a soft mewl from the blond and that opened his mouth and goddamn, why the hell couldn't little blondes keep their stupid promises?

All of his attention was focused on the kiss, so when a person actually _did_ come into the changing room, he didn't notice until there was a little gasp and a flash went off.

"I _knew _it!" It was a hauntingly familiar voice--Tomoyo.

He pulled away almost immediately, Fai letting go this time--the bastard. _Now_ it would look like he hadn't been pulled into it, and fuck, this was_ not_ going into the school newspaper but no, he had to get out of there before Fai started teasing him again and he didn't want to get expelled for killing him.

He could have sworn his face was on fire as he ran out of the changing room.

* * *

The next day when the school newspaper got handed to him, Kurogane sighed in relief when he didn't see any picture of him or Fai on the front page. 

However, that paper was easily shredded into pieces when he heard the P.A. system saying in a calm voice: "And as a sidenote, we would like to commemorate Kurogane-kun's and Fai-san's getting together! Look for Tomoyo's pictures on the school website!"

He really needed to kill something.


End file.
